You've Had Me On My Knees Before
by DeannaEmrys
Summary: Sequel to 'Inability To Love'
1. Chapter 1

Gwaine was there when Arthur got home from work.

He was early, almost three hours before his shift normally ended due to a gas leak in the building, way earlier then Merlin was expecting him.  
Gwaine was there when Arthur got home from work.

He was early, almost three hours before his shift normally ended due to a gas leak in the building, way earlier then Merlin was expecting him.

Gwaine was longing on their couch, all six foot of his lean, toned body stretched across the black leather as if he owned the place; as if he'd been the one who'd spent a week going from store to store until Merlin found the 'perfect' sofa, as if he was the one who'd worked his butt off to give Merlin everything he wanted.

The rage was red hot in his chest and it burned, burned stronger than Arthur was man enough to admit.

Merlin strolled in from the kitchen two icy beers in one hand, a bowl of nachos in the other and the brightest, warmest smile Arthur had seen in months on his beautiful face.

Directed at Gwaine, always at Gwaine.

He giggled unabashedly as Gwaine tugged at the over sized shirt Merlin was wearing over just his boxers, pulling him into his lap before running long fingers down Merlins sides tickling him until he was red in the face and panting before pressing the softest of kisses to his nose.

There was that grin again; pure, exuberant, heartbreaking.

Arthur stood silently in the doorway, a ghost in his own home, watching the love of his life snuggle into the arms of another man, as if they were the two that had been together for years, as if Gwaine was the one with an engagment ring hidden in his sock drawer waiting for the perfect moment.

His brief case hit the carpet with a dull thud causing two sets of shining eyes to finally notice him. Arthur didnt even notice, couldnt see past the state of undress the happy couple were currently in.

"Shit! oh my god! Arthur what are you doing home!" Merlin shrieked, rolling off of the couch dragging the blanket off with him to tie around his slender waist.

Gwaines eyes were bugging out of his head, panic stricken, darting from door to door for the closest exit.

Arthur couldnt breathe, the black hole in his chest was trying to collapse his body from the inside out. His knees were no longer in any condition to be holding his weight plus the weight of his heart, heavy as a lead ball, pushing him down to the carpeted floor.

"I should probably..."

"Oh dear lord Gwaine get out! NOW!" Gwaine nodded awkwardly, motioning to his shirt that Merlin was currently wearing, getting nothing more than a dirty look in reply before practically running for the back door, shirt and shoeless. Merlin was at Arthurs side in an instant, kneeling in front of the broken man.

"Shit! Arthur, baby talk to me, are you okay? you need to breathe! Come on say something? please? Or can you at least look at me?" the words were non stop as he soothed Arthur golden hair out of his face and ran a comforting arm up and down Arthurs back.

It was a good five minutes until Arthur managed to raise his head, steely blue eyes meeting aqua. Merlins eyes used to be the most beautiful thing in the world, Arthur could stare at them for days. Now all he wanted to do was look away. The thought made his stomach lurch.

"Baby? Are you okay? It wasnt what it looked like i swear! We were just watching the game and we, errr, we got hot and it was just brotherly bonding y'know? You're just overreacting honey, i promise."

The last time Merlin had promised Arthur something they'd ended up lost, mapless and miles away from civilization, granted, Mexico had been the best holiday of his life; just like a honeymoon, full of drinks and laughter and soft, soft sheets. Merlin had promised he knew the way to some beautiful ruins just off of the coast, he'd lied then too.

Arthur choked around his next breath, "Get out."

Blue eyes widened almost comically, " Wha, what do you mean, get out? Arthur we were just messing about it was nothing, okay? Just, let me clean up the mess, you go have a shower and i'll make us something to eat and we can forget this massive misunderstanding, yeah?" Merlin was smiling softly but his eyes were nervous as he smoothed over Arthurs cheekbones with his thumbs. "I even got the new X-Men on dvd today so we can watch that, i know you've been dying to see it and..."

"Merlin, get out."

His words were dagger sharp as he pushed Merlin away from him so he could stand up. Confusion twisted the younger mans face as he stared up at his boyfriend, doe eyed, scared.

"I dont understand i thought?"

Arthur couldnt bare another word, he was suddenly so unbelievably tired.

"WHAT ARENT YOU GRASPING HERE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW!" he pretty much roared, the words ripping at his heart as Merlin sat scrawled on the floor at his feet, looking young and lost and above all else shocked.

"Baby, calm down, it's Gwaine. He's like my brother, you know that..."

Arthur's fist smashing into the wall made Merlin scramble to his feet, a shocked gasp escaping his throat as the framed photo of them cracked and fell, glass and drywall littering the carpet around him.

"STOP LYING! For once in your life just stop! Every word that comes out of you mouth is a LIE! You've been fucking Gwaine for months! I KNOW MERLIN! The charade is up! You've broken my heart now get the fuck out of MY house!"

"H...How do you?"

"Oh for gods sake Merlin, you stink of his aftershave and those cheap cigarettes he smokes, on three seperate occasions you've come home wearing someone elses clothes! You never wanna sleep with me because you're already getting it from someone else!" Arthurs fist recurled at his sides and he had to take a deep, deep breath before he could speak around the lump in his throat. "Just, please Merlin, leave, you can come get your stuff while im at work tomorrow but just... Just go, its better for the both of us."

Merlin didnt move, just kept staring, his gaze shifting from the broken photo frame to the hole Arthur had just added to their, his, living room wall.

"Yeah, Im gonna go shower, just," He paused pinching the bridge of his nose, wincing when his hand throbbed, "be gone by the time i'm out."

One last pleading look at Merlin and then he was gone.

Merlin slumped to his knees as he listened to the slow footsteps up the stairs, the debris of his perfect life skattered around him, the truth hit him like a freight train.

'Shit.

What have I done?' 


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week since Arthur had kicked Merlin out of their home, since their lives were spun on their heads, a whole seven days since Merlin had seen or heard from the man he'd not been apart from in three years. Gods how Merlin missed him.

He missed Arthur crooked smile and boring blue ties, missed the way he'd constantly wear Merlin's obscure band tshirts when he had no idea who the hell they were, he missed waking up to strong golden arms wrapped around his skinny waist making him feel safe and loved.  
He missed eating burnt toast, the butter and marmalade mixed in their jars because washing up two knives was too much hard work.  
He missed Arthur's amazing coffee and wearing his too big hoodies and stealing his slippers after he'd taken them off leaving them warm for Merlin's icy feet.  
He missed being forced to watch crappy football and in turn having to force Arthur into watching Doctor Who, Arthur always pretended not to love it until he would forget to pretend and would shout at the telly whenever Rory was killed or the Doctor would lie.  
Merlin missed the text messages he always got when he was out just a little too long, whether he was late from work or drinking at the bar, the way he'd call Merlin 'Sweetheart' when he would finally clamber into their bed.  
He missed arguing over what was for dinner until they were both blue in the face before they ended up ordering in mexican food even though neither of them really liked it but it reminded them of their first holiday together so they would eat it anyway and reminise and the fight would be instantly forgotten.  
He missed how, after sex Arthur would always whisper "I love you," into his skin like a prayer, worshiping every ivory inch and how the next morning Merlin would pretend to still be asleep when Arthur tried to wake him with soft touches and dry lips pressing down his spine.

The longer he was forced to stay away the more he couldnt remember why he thought sleeping with Gwaine was such a good idea, he could no longer remember his reasoning behind it. Sure, Merlin loved Gwaine, had loved him since they were eleven and too scrawny and they decided to climb trees and make horses out of cardboard boxes. Gwaine always playing the Knight in shining armour and Merlin the court soceror or the princess in distress depending on his mood.

He'd been there all of Merlin's life, whenever he needed him without fail, like when his dad had died when he was seventeen and Gwaine had carried him out of the hospital, driven him home and then spent almost two weeks sharing Merlin's bed, waking him from the clutches of his nightmares, cooking him chicken soup and making cups of tea for his grieving mother.

He'd been there when Merlin tried to climb a tree in his back yard, picked him up when he fell and broke his arm in three places.

He'd been there the night Merlin lost his virginity to a quiet girl with beautiful brown eyes before proceeding to freak out because suddenly breasts didnt do it for him and 'ohmygodGwaineithinkimgay'.

He'd been there through every cheating asshole he dated, every romance gone wrong, every bad test mark and every time inbetween when Merlin was heartbroken or devestatingly happy.

He'd been there when Arthur had asked him out and Merlin had been too afraid of commitment to agree.

He'd been there when Arthur had told Merlin he loved him and Merlin didnt know how to say it back.

He'd been there through everything, a pillar of strength, his best friend, his brother and recently a lover. Everything was simple and comfortable, they knew eachother like the back of their hands and yet...

He wasnt Arthur.

The revelation hit Merlin like a brick to the face.

He wasnt Arthur. Gwaine wasnt Arthur.

Merlin loved Gwaine, he loved every tiny damaged piece of the irish man who'd always been there, but... Gwaine wasnt Arthur, and Merlin, well Merlin was IN love with Arthur.

'Oh my god i'm in love with Arthur!" Saying it aloud made it real, made his heart swell, made him want to tell everyone he'd ever meet.

Merlin was in love with Arthur. In love with the way he spoke and thought and held things and hid things and joked and smiled and laughed with his head thrown back, charming everyone without even knowing it.

Thats why he had said yes when Arthur asked him out after he'd sworn off of men.

Thats why they'd gone abroad for a whole month, just the two of them and their backpacks even though Merlin hated flying which, during the ten hour flight, had been down graded to 'Merlin hates flying without Arthur'.

That was why they'd moved in with eachother and shared bills and sent out joint christmas cards and knew eachothers families and friends as if they were their own, and why they knew which mugs eachother prefered and how they took their tea and that Arthur liked to sleep on the right side of the bed and thought that 'Bill and Ted's excellent advernture' was the best film ever made.

Merlin had fallen for him the moment he'd crashed his car into Arthur's and the sun had hit him just right making him look like a golden king from tales of old wearing tight black jeans and his worn out leather jacket. Merlin had always been in love with Arthur, he was just too fucking stupid to see it.

And now..?

The happiness in his chest deflated, twisting his heart in an iron grip.

Well, now he'd fucked everything up, now he'd lost it, lost it before he had even realized he had it. Lost it before he'd even had the chance to tell Arthur what he'd wanted to hear for so, so long.

It was the way Merlin did things, screwed them up because he was afraid to feel anything he didnt understand, he knew Gwaine like the back of his hand, easy, safe, predictable.

He knew Arthur like he knew himself, constantly switching and changing and confusing and terrifying.

The most spectacular thing he'd ever had and he'd just thrown it away.

'Shit,

how the hell am I gonna make this right?' 


	3. Chapter 3

The bed was too large.

It was cold too and... empty.

The house was too quite. Still. Lifeless.

Tidy.

Urghh, since when was their house ever this tidy? It was as if heartbreak had made Arthur into Martha freaking Stewart.

There were no artsy magazines littering the table or mythology books skattered on the floor, no checkered shirts or neckachiefs strewn around their bedroom nor any silly drawings on the white board on the fridge ment for the shopping lists.

Life was boring without Merlin, dull and meaningless.

Arthur didnt know what hurt more; the betrayel or the fact that living without him hurt more then living with half of him.

Merlin wasnt fairing much better.  
In fact if anything Merlin was even worse then Arthur.

Gwen had been furious when he'd turned up at her and Lance's doorstep the night Arthur kicked him out. She'd actually slapped him around the face, her hand leaving a bright red mark on his otherwise flawless skin. Merlin thought he deserved it, sortof wished it had been Arthurs hand instead of the sweet, caring women who apologized straight afterwards and ushered him into their spareroom.

It hurt, or well it stung more than anything, it was the least he deserved, he wouldnt be suprised if, when Morganna found out, he ended up in the ER as battered on the outside as he felt internally, after all Pendragons are fiercely protective.

Merlin flopped onto the too soft matteress wishing he was at home with Arthur and simply stared into space as Gwen fluttered around him uselessly, no idea how to help.

Half of her was furious at her best friends stupidity, outraged that he'd dare upset Arthur who treated Merlin as if the sun shone out of his arse or as if hed invented chocolate, the other half of her was scared to death for Merlin, for the now broken couple. Two pieces of a whole should never be seperated and she was worried they wouldnt get through this.

Arthur and Merlin had always been that power couple in her mind, the perfect match, they were like destined for eachother, (or something equally as mushy,) they were the couple she'd wanted her and Lance to be like. Apparently things werent always as perfect as they seemed.

Her heart ached for them.

They'd been apart a week and Merlin hadnt left Gwen's house, hell, he only left the spare room to eat or use the bathroom, even then he walked around in a haze, barely spoke and when he did it was about Arthur or Gwaine or how much of a twat he'd been.

He was grieveing, almost as bad as when his father had died, only this time Gwaine wasnt around to help him, Merlin couldnt even bare to text him, didnt know how to put into words the fact that between Gwaine and Arthur he'd pick Arthur, would always pick Arthur. Should've picked Arthur the first time.

If he'd realised what an empty husk he was without the man, how much it killed not seeing him everyday, he wouldnt have been such a prick and cheated. He loved Gwaine but if Arthur didnt want him around the irish man, Merlin would stay far away.

"Okay Merlin, enough is enough! Its been two weeks, if you had cheated on my brother because you didnt want to be with him anymore you'd have moved on by now but you havent so get the fuck out of bed, have a shower and meet me down stairs in twenty minutes! Or so help me god i will leave and make sure you never get him back!"

Merlin blinked bleerily at the stunning brunette in his tempory doorway before grasping what was going on and who was in his room and almost jumped right out of his bed, "Holy shit! Morganna what the hell are you doing?" the glare she sent had Merlin clamering to his feet and heading to the bathroom with his tail between his legs.

"Im trying to help you, you moron! Twenty minutes. Shower. Downstairs, chopchop!"

Merlin showered quicker then he'd ever done in his life, (an angry Morganna was the equivelent of a fire breathing dragon), before pulling a red sweater and a pair of black jeans out of his unpacked duffle bag, tugging them on in record time and sprinting down the stairs, sliding into the kitchen on mismatched socks.

Morganna regarded him for a moment before smiling softly, putting down her coffee cup and opening up her arms for a hug. Merlin took full advantage of it, curling into the older women like a child in his mothers arms finally letting the weight of the situation get to him.

"Ah, you stupid idiot Merlin, what were you thinking?" she whispered into his raven hair as he cried silently into her shoulder.

"I wasnt, im so sorry, I miss him so much! I didnt mean to hurt him, I didnt realise I loved him."

"Wait what!" Morganna gasped pushing him back slightly, her bright blue eyes opened wide in shock. Merlin sniffled, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve looking more like a lost teenager then a fully grown man.

"I, I erm, I love him Morgs, and now ive fucked everything up and he hates me."

"Ohh honey!" she cooed, running her perfectly manicured fingers through his unruly hair, "He doesnt hate you, he could never hate you. You can sort this out, you can totally fix this. And as much as I wanna hit you in your pretty little face and beat the shit out of this Gwaine fellow, you and Arthur are soul mates, hes rediculously in love with you and right now, hes an even bigger mess then you."

Merlin smiled slightly before it vanished and he simply looked defeated. "He doesnt even wanna talk to me Morgs, how am I supposed to fix this?"

Morganna sighed, pushing her fringe away from her face before sliding Merlins phone across the table towards him. "Text him, remind him of why he fell for you in the first place, make him remember every good thing that happened, tell him you love him Merl, he deserves that at least." With that said she pressed a kiss to his forehead and left.

A glance at the clock told him that it was almost half past seven.

Well, if he was gonna do this there was no time like the present.

"Lets hope the Gods arent totally against me."


	4. Chapter 4

It starts with a text message that wakes him up one minute before his alarm clock goes off.

'North road is blocked, car crash. Take the west bound. -M x'

Arthur smiles softly before remembering why he was sleeping alone and hurls his phone across the room. It splits into three pieces and the battery bounces under his oak set of drawers.

Fuck.

His alarm sounding has him jumping out of bed in a panic, great now he was gonna be late for work because he has to stop by the carphone warehouse to get his phone repaired. Great... just awesome.

Its was just as he was getting out of the shower that evening that he notices the house phone flashing red. The automatic voice tells him he has one new message whilst he rubs the towl through his golden hair, it had been a long day with Morganna sending him worried looks every five minutes and his dad being nice to him, cutting him slack and ugghh it was like the world was going mad.

The recorded message starts and Arthurs blood runs cold.

"Hey Arthur, its errr, Merlin, hah but i guess you erm guessed that. Erm, Gwen mentioned that Morganna told her that you'd broken your phone and i err wanted to remind you that theres a spare nokia in my, i mean, erm my old bedside cabinate. Its pretty shitty but it works so erm, yeah. Okay, hanging up now." Theres a moments pause as if he wants to say more, just the sound of Merlin's soft breathing before he chickens out and says, "G'Night." before the message clicks off.

Arthur, who had been frozen the second he heard Merlins voice, was at a loss for what to do. It had been two weeks since their fight, since the incident, and he hadnt heard a thing and now its two messages in one day?

He grabbed the phone out of its holdster, punches in Morgannas phone number and spends about half an hour screaming at his sister. Not like it does him any good.

"Gwen is my friend Arthur and I didnt realise Merlin was still living with her, we're all grown ups here and we're both worried about the two of you, its unnatural for you to be apart for so long and we're trying to get used to it." Morganna speaks to him like a teacher to a child, firm and understanding, making him feel both comforted and sick to his stomach, he hangs up pretty quickly after that not willing to risk his pride by doing something stupid like crying to her.

He takes his laptop and a tub of icecream to bed and decides to watch an Adam Sandler film to take his mind off of everything. It starts to rain outside his window about half way through the film and Arthur hates how much of a tear-jerking-chick-flick his life has become and snuggles down to sleep, but not before digging through Merlin's drawer and finding his old phone, putting it on charge and hoping that tomorrow wont be so pathetically tragic.

The next day goes by without incident until about five o clock in the afternoon when hes sitting at his desk returning clients emails. He's just about to call it a day and head home when a 'ding' signals he has a new message. He opens it without checking the email address and instantly wishes he hadnt.

Its a photograph of him and Merlin. Blurry, candid, taken two years ago at a fancy art gallery Gwen had dragged them all to. Morganna and Gwen looked beautiful as they smiled wide at the camera, slightly off to one side of the photo in glamorous gowns whilst Lance and Morganna's best friend Leon looked slightly out of place but happy in flawless suits. It was obvious that everyone was drinking and laughing and having a great time.

The main focus of the photo though was Arthur and Merlin. They were the only ones in the entire shot not looking at the camera, both of them way too lost in the other to notice anything happening around them, they were completely obsorbed with eachother. The flash had gone off just as they were leaning in for a kiss.

The perfect moment.

It made Arthur want to cry and scream and smash things.

Yet he couldnt look away from the accompanying message.

To:

From:

Subject: Im sorry.

I don't deserve you, I'm a coward and a liar and a total idiot.

But i want to, no, i need to be better.

This is one of my favourite photos of us, i wanted you to have it.

-M x

"No, no, no! You're not allowed to do this! Urrrghhh!" he slams his laptop closed and bangs his head against it a few times before getting up and leaving the office.

This isnt fair, he doesnt need this shit.

Theres a fresh cup of coffee on his desk the next morning, a vanilla latte with extra whip from his favourite coffee shop down the street and he grins for the first time in a week.

"Hey Molly, thanks for the coffee youre a saint!"he praised his secretary, poking his head around his office door to flash her a grin making her blush pastel pink.

"Oh, erm that wasn't me Sir, Merlin dropped it off on his way to work and asked me to heat it up before you got in." she smiles wistfully and its all Arthur can do to keep his breakfast down. "I cant wait until i have someone who loves me as much as you two love eachother."

If it had been anyone but Molly he probably would have lost it then and there, but she was still too young and sweet and blissfully unaware of the shit that was real life so he continued to fake his smile and head back to his office so as not to destroy her fantasy, after all, that had been him when he'd first met Merlin.

Slumping down into his chair he notices a bright green postit note stuck to his desk.

A-

Im sorry, Im trying to make this right.

-M x

Suddenly the coffee doesnt taste as great.

From that day on he gets texts at least three times a day. They range from a simple, 'Its raining dont forget an umbrella,' to 'I saw an old couple on the train holding hands, should be us.'

Every day there's a fresh cup of coffee on his desk with a postit note: Im sorry, I miss you, I was stupid, I dont deserve you. Im so sorry! Arthur keeps them, sticks them to the inside of his desk drawer. Brushes it off, pretends it means nothing when his heart aches.

Every night he comes home to a voice message on his answering machine, reminding him that his dad's birthday is coming up or that the bins needed to be put out and that his regular haircut with Mr Ouleg was coming up. Every call ended the exact same way, Merlin would pause after he'd said whatever he'd rung to say staying totally silent for about ten seconds before letting out a big sigh and murmering, 'G'night'.

Somedays it was like Merlin had never left.

Somedays Arthur wishes he hadnt.

The end of the next week saw Arthur having the worst day at work in the history of bad days.

First an intern had spilt boiling hot coffee down his brand new white shirt and he hadnt brought a spare, then Molly had shredded the important documents he needed instead of filing them, then he was screamed at by the japanese buissness man who needed said files via a skype conference call in front of the department heads and then he'd been chatted up by a sleazy lawyer from the fifth floor who was way too hansy and was begging for a fist to the face which ended up with Arthur being shouted at by his father and having to apologize to Mr Grabby Hands so he wouldnt sue and to top it all off he hadnt heard from Merlin all day, even the coffee didnt have a postit note on it and it upset Arthur more then he cared to admit.

But none of that mattered now, it was Friday so he didnt have to think about work for two whole days. All Arthur wanted to do now was to go home to Merlin, share a relaxing bubble bath, order in his favourite chinese and do nothing but sleep and cuddle and eat and watch crappy telivision until Monday morning came and he had to go back into the hell hole he called work.

Oh shit.

No, erm what he meant was, all he wanted to do was go home, have a relaxing bubble bath ALONE, order in chinese food and do nothing but sleep, eat and watch crappy telly ALONE until Monday morning.

For some reason that didnt sound as good.


	5. Chapter 5

There was cardboard box on his doorstep, taped up like a toddler had wrapped it.

It's about a foot long and a foot deep, dark brown with no writing on it, Arthur shrugs, picks it up and brings it inside, his curiousity spiked. He drops it on the kitchen table and heads to his house phone, "Huh that's weird," There's no new messages and its well past the time Merlin normally rings him, he hadnt text him all day either.

The thought makes him realise that even when they're broken up theyre still together. It isnt healthy and Arthur cant move on if hes constantly waiting for Merlin to call or text or leave him coffee. Cant move on if hes still hung up on his ex.

Arthur was mad at Merlin, heartbroken, he'd been made a fool of and now they were over. Period.

He sighs, rubbing at his temples and flopping on to a kitchen stool to start unwrapping the mysterious box.

He thinks its probably from Gwen or Morganna, home made cookies or the body of an innocent his sister needs to hide.

It takes him about ten minutes to get all the sticky tape off and when he finally opens it he doesnt quite know how to react.

There seems to be six items in total; the first thing he takes out is a tshirt, he recognizes it straight away, doesnt even need to unfold it to know its old and faded with a hole just underneath the collar and that it used to be black but was now more of a dirty gray with the logo for 'The Smiths' slowly coming off bit by bit.

It was Arthur's favourite tshirt but it wasnt his, it was Merlin's, had belonged to Merlin's dad long before hed even met Arthur.

The first time they had ever had sex Arthur had slept in it and Merlin had let him, he loved Arthur wearing it as much as Arthur loved to wear it. It was one of the only things Merlin had of his dad, and now he was giving it to Arthur, it said more then Arthur thought he could handle.

The second thing he pulled out of the box was a clear jewelled cd case, scrawled on the disk in Merlin's spikey handwriting were the lyrics:

I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes, these soles are useless without you, through hell for you, let the toruring ensue, my soul is useless without you.

Arthur chuckled softly, running his thumb over the lyrics to their song. Another obscure band that he'd never heard of before Merlin yet the song just seemed to fit. One day when they were laying in bed listening to music and it come on Melrin's itunes and Arthur had declaired it their song. Their own personal anthem.

Arthur smiled and placed it on top of the tshirt before dragging the third item from the box; a bottle of tequila. Arthur grins. The amount of tequila they drank in Mexico was probably illegal, it was stupid too because they both hated it, just like the mexican food yet it was one of those things that just kind of stuck, just like ordering tacos when they were arguing or making eachother hot chocolate when they were sad or bacon and sausage sandwiches when the other was ill, it was a tradition and it reminded them of the best times.

He put the bottle to one side pulling out the next item his heart jack-rabbiting in his chest as he recognized the photo that used to be hung up on their living room wall before Merlin cheated and Arthur smashed the frame it was hung in. It had been reframed now though, a posh matte silver one with plastic in it instead of glass, Arthur smirked at the hidden meaning, plastic was harder to smash them glass. There was an ornate 'A & M' carved into the top righthand corner which made his stomach uncomfortable. This man had destroyed their lives and broken his heart and now he was trying to climb back in. Arthur wasnt sure he could let him.

He pressed the photoframe onto the table face down before picking out the fifth item which turned out to be a book, Crush by Richard Siken. Arthur frowned slightly having never heard of the guy and opened the front page. Ahh, there was Merlin's handwriting again.

A-

I've been having trouble putting things into words my whole life, this guys seems to have done it for me.

Ive highlighted the parts I want you to read.

Im still being a coward.

-M x

Confused, Arthur started to flick through the pages, pausing at anything thats highlighted, there are five paragraphs in total.

In these dreams it s always you:  
The boy in the sweatshirt,  
The boy on the bridge, the boy who always keeps me from jumping off the bridge.

"Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.  
These, our bodies, possessed by light.  
Tell me we ll never get used to it.

I woke up in the morning and I didn t want anything, didn t do anything, couldn t do it anyway, just lay there listening to the blood rush through me and it never made any sense, anything.

"We make a cathedral, him pressing against me, his lips at my neck, and yes, I do believe his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars."

You re in a car with a beautiful boy,and he won t tell you that he loves you,but he loves you feel like you ve done something terrible,like robbed a liquor store,or swallowed pills,or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt,and you re re in a car with a beautiful boy,and you re trying not to tell him that you love him,and you re trying to choke down the feeling,and you re trembling,but he reaches over and he touches you,like a prayer for which no wards exist,and you feel your heart taking root in your body,like you ve discovered something you don t even have a name for.

Its the last paragraph that has Arthur gasping for air like a drowning man, if it meant what he thought it did, then was Merlin trying to say that he loved him? Arthur had been dying to hear those words for four years and Merlin had always chickened out, always said he didnt understand, didnt feel, couldnt say them. He was too damaged to say them.

Arthur twisted the cap on the tequila causing it to squeak before coming free, the bitter liquid burnt its way down his throat but somehow made him feel slightly better even if it did unsettle his stomach.

He reached in and pulled out the final item, a plain white envelope. Inside sat an invitation they had reseived months ago.

'Arthur Pendragon & Merlin Emrys

You are cordially invited to the marital joining of;

Guinevere Louise Smith

To

Lance Owen Du Lac,

on June 4th at Crystal Lake Gardens.'

Attached to the invitation is, of course, a postit note.

A-

Please do me the honor of being my plus one.

There's noone else i could ever consider going with.

Its you,

-M x

Arthur took a deep breath letting the invite fall to the table. June fourth, that left a week for Arthur to make his choice. A week to decided whether he could open himself up to the man that broke him in the first place... He shook his head and reached for the tequila, Arthur needed another drink.

Disclaimer:  
Lyrics are from the song - A walk through hell, by say anything.  
Richard siken is an amazing poet and you should totally check out his stuff :)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I want to dedicate this chapter to the lovely 'Flight of Heaven' who asked for a sequel and has given me inspiration and encouragement throughout :)

Merlin tuged nervously on his tie for the millionth time in about five minutes. He felt so damn sick, his stomach rolling like a boat on choppy seas. Lance was stood beside him looking as anxious as Merlin felt.

"Big day today," Merlin murmered straightening Lance's buttonhole and smoothing down the shoulders of his suit jacket.

"Yeah, for me and you both!" He replied flashing pearly white teeth and patting Merlins shoulder in a reassuring way.

All of a sudden the church seemed to come alive with the gorgeous sounds of the wedding march played simply by a twelve string guitar accompanyed by everyone getting to their feets in the pews.

"Show time." Merlin whispered causing Lance's tanned skin to pale nervously.

"Here we go, now or never!"

xXxXxXx

When Gwen appeared at the begining of the isle Merlin doesnt think he's ever felt so proud in his life.

"Oh my god! Seriously Lance youre gonna wanna see this," Merlin annouced, grinning so wide his jaw hurted as he grabbed Lances shoulder forcing him to turn around to face the aisle.

Gwen was a vision in white, glowing like an angel, smiling bashfully and completely stunning, flanked by Morganna in a silvery gown that made her look every bit an elfish princess. Lance gasped and if they had been in an anime his eyes would be huge flashing hearts right about now, totally breath taken by his very soon to be bride.

When they finally met at the alter and Morganna relieved Gwen of her bouquet so she could hold Lane's hand Merlin had the deepest longing to be stood in their shoes, Arthur at his side, holding his hand, professing his undying love. The thought hit him so hard that he almost stumbled, luckily noone was paying attention to him whilst the most perfect couple in the world said their vows.

He could make this right. He knew he could fix it, but he had to put it out of his mind because right then, his best friends were getting married and he wouldnt miss it for the world. Tonight would be his chance. He took a quick scan of the church and caught Arthur's eye, he looked like a deer in the headlights, Merlin tugged his mouth into a smile. "Hi." he mouthed.

Arthur looked like he wanted to run but smiled none the less mouthing back a simple, "Hey,"

Merlin grinned, today was a good day, Arthur had turned up, his best friends were finally getting married and tonight, tonight he would fix what he'd broken.

XxXxXxX

The church looked like something out of a fairy tail, all white and silver and orchids and lillies and roses, fairy lights and candles illuminating the intimate gathering, the soft scent of vanilla warming the air.

Arthur was clad in his favourite charcoal suit with a royal blue tie that matched his eyes and an anxious smile. Leon met him at the church's entrance and instantly clapped a reassuring hand on his broad shoulder.

"I wasnt sure you'd make it Arthur, but im glad you did." he announced with a sincer smile that crinkled his green eyes. Arthur nodded screwing his mouth to one side, "I wasnt sure I was gonna make it either, only just made up my mind really."

The look in Leon's eyes was a bit too all knowing for Arthur's taste and it quickly reminding him that this was Morganna's best friend and there was a reason for that. Leon was as coniving as Arthur's sister but in a totally innocent way, you couldnt help but like him, trust him, he had a way of making people want to spill their hearts to him. He was extremely tall, pushing 6ft6", with a mess of dark blonde hair and sparkly green eyes, he was kind and warm and compassionate, always stood up for what he felt was right and had been more than a little pissed off when he heard about Merlin and Gwaine. Other than Morganna, Leon was the main person Arthur confided in and had always sort of hoped he and his sister would end up getting married so they could be brother-in-laws.

Feeling the moment getting a little too serious for the setting Arthur chuckled slightly and said, "So when are you and Morgs gonna get hitched?" Leon flushed a very satisfying shade of red in response before spluttering several times and excusing himself to go and get a drink. Arthur threw his head back and laughed properly for the first time in a few weeks and heading inside the church scouting out a good seat on Gwens side of the aisle.

xXxXxXxXx

Merlin and Lance entered from the front of the church lead by the vicar, both the groom and best man in matching, spotless, pure black suits, the only colour their shiny silver ties and calla lillie button holes. The sight of Merlin in a suit made Arthurs heart jump up into his throat, he was etheral, all slanting cheekbones and ocean blue eyes, his ink black hair curling behind his ears and flicking out over the back of his collar.

It was the first time Arthur had seen him since that day over a month ago and even though Meriln had rang him and texted him and brought him coffee and everything else Arthur hadnt actually replied or spoken to him at all. The only thing Merlin had gotten in return was a simple, "Okay," that Arthur had texted him late the previous night after writing and rewriting the message about a million times debating whether or not the day would end in tragedy.

Seeing Merlin at the front of the church in a suit and smiling at an obviously extremely nervous Lance had Arthur's stomach doing funny things, like a flock of birds had taken refuge in his depths but were now trying to escape.

Merlin was trying, that much was obvious. He realised what he had done was wrong and was trying to make amends. Arthur loved Merlin, there was no denying that for a second but, Merlin had hurt him, betrayed his trust, brought another man into their home, had purposely ruined what they had. How could Arthur just let him back in after all that damage. Oh shit.

'I need to leave, I cant do this, god I need to get out of here before Merlin notices Im here and...'

Just as he was about to get up out of his seat and make a run for it the wedding march echoed through the room and everyone clambered to their feet. Arthur swore internally, no escape now.

xXxXxXxX

Morganna caught his eye and grinned as she floated past him looking gorgeous in silver, her arm looped through Gwen's, Gwen who looked like a princess in her breathtaking ivory dress, Gwen who only had eyes for Lance, her gaze never wavering from his smouldering brown eyes.

Just like the photo Merlin had sent Arthur, they were totally enarmered with eachother. Arthurs heart thumped painfully in his chest as everyone finally sat down and the room dissolved into silence.

Merlin caught his eye across the aisle, smiled sofly melting Arthurs inside to goo and mouthed, 'Hi.'

Arthur forced a smile back, 'Hey.'

The grin that lit up Merlins face before he turned his attention to Lance was blinding, it set fire to a spark that Arthur had feared might be dead.

xXxXxXx

The ceremony was beautiful, honest and short.

Almost too short, as soon as it was over Arthur knew he would have to speak to Merlin, he prayed the couples vows would at least be lengthy.

They weren't.

Not that it mattered anyway because as soon as they were pronounced man and wife the wedding party were whisked off for photos and whatever went along with the weddingy stuff as the rest of the guests were ushered to the reception.

The hall was decorated just as well as the church had been; huge white drapes hung from the ceiling, fairy lights and candles and all the flowers had been set out giving the room a soft, cosy, intimate feel. There was a band set up in one corner waiting for the signal to start playing as they chatted softly to eachother doing last minute checks.

Arthur knew his seat was right next to Merlins at the head table but he wasnt quite ready to face him yet so when Leon and Percy, (Lance's and Merlin's friend from collage), called him over to their table he was there like a shot.

"So, the first of our friends tie the knot!" Percy exclaimed as happy as ever as Arthur sat down in the vacant seat next to him, "Who do'ya reckons next?"

"Probably my sister and ole Leon here!" Arthur cried slapping the older man on the back before cracking up laughing quickly joined by Percy.

"Oh really, weve been mates forever and shes way to perfect to date me." Leon defended looking pretty defeated if you ask Arthur.

Percy rolled his eyes before announcing as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "You two are as bad as Gwen and Lance were, you're obviously perfect for eachother, hell you even have her lil' bro's blessing."

Leon flushed fushia swatting at Arthur's hand as he tried to pinch his cheeks. They were soon silenced as Morganna stood up at the head table microphone in hand, Arthur hadnt even noticed the wedding party had returned. Suddenly the birds in his stomach picked up again.

"Hi everyone, Im Morganna and Im Gwens maid of honor..."

The speeches were heartfelt and funny and Gwen's even brought a tear to Arthurs eye. He still hadnt taken his seat next to Merlin as he didnt want to be rude getting up and walking around the hall while everyone was speaking on the mike, well that and he was a total chicken shit.

Finally everyone clapped Lance's mum as she finshed her speech and then it was Merlins turn, Merlin who was staring straight at Arthur with hope in his blue eyes.

xXxXxXXx

"Hi everyone, I'm Merlin and Im Lances best man. Ive been looking forward to this day for the past seven years, ever since Lance and Gwen first met at one of our dorm parties our first year of collage. It was love at first sight, well to everyone but the lovestruck pair who continued to dance arund eachother for the next twelve months claiming they were, and i quote, 'Just really great friends'," Gwen laughed from next to him rolling her eyes, Merlin grinned and carried on.

"Lance here, has been one of my very best mates since we were forced to shared a dorm room at collage, hes the best man ive met, hes loyal and funny and rediculously kind and handsome as fuck," the crowd giggled and Lance blushed burying his face in his wifes neck, "Gwen, well Gwen is just so very very beautiful, inside and out with the biggest heart ive ever known plus she makes the greatest cupcakes ever! They are truely perfect for eachother and a love like theirs should be celebrated and cherished, it really is a love for the history books." The crowd cheered at that and Gwen shot him a warm smile her chocolatey brown eyes twinkling with tears. Merlin winked at her, taking a deep breath and meeting Arthur beautiful blue eyes across the room before he continued to was now or never, no turning back even if his heart was trying to break free of its boney cage.

"Unfortuantly we're not all as smart as Gwen and Lance when it comes to love. I, mysef have been hiding my whole life from it. Like a scared child, too afraid to see or speak or feel anything that could end up with me getting hurt. I often lashed out instead of dealing with emotion, hurting the most important person in my life in the process. I hid and ran and lied and cheated." Arthur was frowning slightly staring straight back at Merlin looking a little confused as Merlin tried to speak around the lump that had formed in his throat.

"Y'see I have been hurt before, more times then I can probably count and I always thought that made it alright for me to hurt other people in return, like a, a right of passage so to speak, except, this important person had done nothing to deserve it he was utterly perfect and I, well I was too stupid to see that I was the luckiest man alive. I wasnt worthy of him or his love and im still unworthy of him but, but now I am willing to try to be worthy enough for him because I, I love him and I'm so incredibly sorry and I dont want to hide or run or lie or cheat anymore, I just want to love him, love him in the same way Lance loves Gwen and vice versa, pure and tangible and alot." Arthur chuckled at that, his eyes filling up as the whole room seemed to hold its breath.

"So I propose a toast. A Toast to the luckiest people in the world, Lance and Gwen who know the secret of love, and to second chances for fools in love willing to be better." Merlin surveyed the room with a twist of his lips; Morganna was clinging to Leon who was staring down at her a strange emotion on his face, Gwen and Lance were grinning like theyd just won the lottery, Merlin guessed that was exactly how they felt and Arthur, Arthur looked beautiful and shocked yet hopeful.

Merlin felt like he was going to faint. "Cheers everyone!"

The room erupted with the answering "Cheers!", smiling and clapping as the champagne finally started flowing and the band began to play as the party got started.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hi," Merlin greeted nervously but managing to smile softly as he finally aproached Arthur who was still sitting at Leon and Percy's table. Arthur jumped to his feet not wanting to be sitting and at a disadvantage. He needed to be in control for this conversation, but god, did he feel sick. His head was spinning and his heart was pounding and that speech! Arthur was reeling, didnt know what to think or feel, he wished Morganna was next to him telling him what to say and do. He felt like running away to hyperventilate but instead he rolled his shoulders and said,

"Hey, that err, that was some speech."

Wow Arthur, youre a genius, no really, youre a poet. Ugh.

Merlin ducked his head, suddenly shy at actually hearing Arthur's voice after so long, he'd missed him, so freaking much, his stomach was going crazy twisting into knots and swirling like a whirlpool, God did Arthur look good in a suit and his blue tie, Merlin brushed his fingers against the silk of it.

"Y'know blue really brings out you eyes."

Arthur stayed quiet, his navy blue eyes intense as they stared into Merlins, searching for something in their depths. Merlin gulped and prayed to god that he would find what he was looking for in them. He felt like an ant under a microscope and was-it-getting-hot-in-here-or-is-it-just-me?

"Did you mean it?" Arthur suddenly asked so low Merlin barely heared him over the music from the band.

It dawned on him that this was it, this was the make or break moment, he couldnt fuck this up, his future was weighing on how the next few minutes played out. You can do this Merlin, man up!

Merlin took a deep breath, whispered a silent prayer in his head.

"I meant every word, I swear to god Arthur! I love you, I always have, Im a total idiot for thinking I wasnt in love with you, you're everything to me, you're IT, there's noone else, there should never have been anyone else, hell if my dad was here he'd be kicking the living day lights out of me for screwing us up!" Arthur chuckled softly at that and Merlin took advantage of the moment, taking one of Arthurs hands in both of his smaller ones, his voice taking on a more serious tone, his eyes boring into Arthurs.

"What happened with Gwaine, that was me being weak, me being afraid, you make me feel things i dont even understand, things so strong they freak me the fuck out, Gwaine's always been there for me, my entire life and hes like, a safety blanket you know, hes safe and predictable, i know him better then i know myself half of the time and other then Lance hes my best mate but you... Youre messy and you have opinions and you like things your own way and youre brave and strong and undamged and beautiful and if you take me back, which i hope and pray to god that you do, i wont ever see him again. If thats what you want, ill stay so far away from him itll be like were on different planets. You mean so much more to me, youre the best thing that has ever happened to me, your perfect and i love you. I love you Arthur Pendragon. I wanna grow old with you and have kids wit you and grandkids and i want us to still hold hands even when were eighty and wrinkly," They stood staring at each other in silence until Arthur's face split into the biggest grin Merlin had ever seen. He felt like someone had shoved a pipe down his throat and was pumping his chest full of helium and he was giggling and so was Arthur and it was breathtaking, the sparkle in his eyes.

"God i love saying that! I love you, I love you, I love you, I..." Merlin was cut off as Arthur crushed their lips together, curling his body around Merlin's slighter one.

Bliss.

That was the only word that came to Merlins mind as he twisted his long fingers in to Arthurs hair, kissing back just as passionately. Like a starving man being reaquainted with food he clung on to Arthur in case he suddenly dissapeared and Merlin woke up in bed, panting, soaked with cold sweat and alone.

After what felt like an eternity and a blink of an eye Arthur pulled away to heave in a lungfull of air, their foreheads pressed together as he cradeled Merlins face in his hands.

"This isnt gonna be easy, y'know this doesnt mean everything is perfect or forgotten right? We're gonna have to start anew and work at this, at us." Merlin nodded pulled Arthur back for a kiss so loving and sweet it could make teeth rot.

"I'll do anything for you, these past weeks have been hell, seriously, I've driven Gwen out of her mind crazy, its proved i cant be without you..."Mering paused, smiling as he interwinded their fingers. "I love you."

Arthur grinned, wide and bright and hopeful, because this time it would be right. They were ready now. "I love you too."

xXxxxXx

Across the room the newly Mrs Du lac and Morganna giggled at their boys finally reuninting.

"People can act so stupid when theyre in love." Morganna annouced smugly, clinking her champagne glass against Gwens in celebration.

"They sure do." She replied her cheeks feeling as warm as her heart, Morganna nodded tearing her gaze away from the embracing couple who had begun to sway to the music. Gwen followed her shift of eyeline and didnt miss the poorly veiled longing in Morgannas eyes as she watched Leon dancing like an idiot with Gwen's husband and Percy.

Now that Arthur and Merlin were fixed it was time to sort out Morgannas love life, Gwen smirked the sweetest most coniving smile the world had ever seen before asking;

"So when are you and Leon getting hitched then Morgs?"

xXxXxXxLe fini!xXxXxXx

Thank you for sticking with me through this fic! It's the first chaptered story ive ever completed! I hope it lived up to its potential, Im planning on writing an epiloge so stay tuned for that!

Thanks to every one that commented and favourited! Its greatly appriciated!

DeannaEmrys xxx 


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